What I’ve Learned Raising Two Puppies (So Far)

About five weeks ago, we adopted two puppies and introduced them to our household. We already have five cats and house training animals isn’t a new or daunting task for me.

House breaking the cats was fairly easy (it’s a box in a corner, not that hard to train) and we’ve house broken dogs before, so I thought it would be easier this time around.

Really, how hard could it be to get a few pups housebroken and not terrorize the house?

That’s what they’ll write on my tombstone.

While it has been a trying and exhausting experience, I’ve learned a lot helping raise these pups. Here’s what I’ve learned this far:

–          They quickly become your children after a few shorts hours.

–          They will wake you up to play at the most intrusive hours of the night and a full night’s sleep becomes a distant memory.

–          They do not understand “no jumpys.”

–          They do understand that “sitting pretty” will get them treats faster.

–          Feeding sharks would be less treacherous than feeding two hungry puppies.

–          No matter how great you think the toy is, they will inevitably go after the box.

–          They will cuddle and snuggle you…

–          Right before letting a foul one out.

–          They don’t care if you just cleaned the house, it’s play time and there’s a slipper that needs to be destroyed because it’s pink.

–          Establishing dominance means nothing when you get under-minded.

–          They will find things you thought you threw away and show you how much of a hoarder you really are.

–          This doubles after working a stressful day.

–          They love walking yet refuse to walk together peacefully.

–          You’ll find excrement bags in your coat occasionally and not even be fazed by it.

–          You’ll take a nap in your truck just to get 15 minutes of peace.

–          They’ll make their own special place to sleep, usually around the same place you’re trying to work in said special sleeping place.

–          Claw and chew marks on your clothes become badges of honor and you wear them proudly.

–          Neighborhood dogs will scare them no matter how many times they’re exposed to them.

–          Your little girl will try and climb onto your arms while you three are walking because she’s scared, but you can’t pick her up because she needs to learn to be courageous.

–          Your little boy doesn’t care about your opinion because you’re not mom.

–          You’re also not dad either, so it puts you in an awkward position.

–          Power tools to fix play pen doors are a must.

–          There’s nothing worse than the guilt of unintentionally leaving them alone all day while everyone was working and they were cooped up all day.

–          You still take 30 seconds to figure out which one is which even though you know five ways to tell them apart without thinking.

–          You use pet and nick names more often than their real names.

–          Pet names include “idjits,” “dynguses,” “goobers,” “püps,” “monsters,” and “buffaloes.”

–          You’re trying to make nicknaming them into an art form.

–          You’ve debated learning French and Italian commands to train them separately yet at the same time. This idea sounds cool, but would probably fail.

–          You’ve gotten really good at cleaning up “accidents” that you have different mixtures and methods for each type.

–          You’ve also gotten sick because of all of your cleaning supplies you’ve used.

–          You’ve gotten really good at sniffing out the accidents and messes.

–          That’s a skill you’re almost embarrassed to admit to having, yet it could save lives one day.

–          Clean socks no longer exist in your house.

–          They stalk the cats. You warn them, but they don’t listen. You let the cats kick their asses.

–          You console them after the aforementioned ass kicking.

–          You’re given reading on how to raise them perfectly and bring it everywhere.

–         It would probably help if you actually READ THE DAMN BOOK.

–          They never take good pics for you. Everyone else they sit still and pose, but for you they just lie down and look sleepy.

–          People will bully you for more updates about them.

–          Despite all of the playful roughhousing between them, they still love each like siblings do and can’t bear to be apart from one another.

–          Stairs become a fun pastime when you’re trying to get them to go outback and romp around in it.

–          They love the snow.

–          They love the mud.

–          They really love to bring the mud in the house and take down anyone who tries to get the fresh musk of nature off of them.

–          I’m fairly certain that raising these pups has prepared me to raise children…

–         Although I doubt you can rub your child’s nose in their messes without Child Services being called into your house.

–          No matter how terrible of day you might’ve had or how wild they’ve been since you’ve been home trying to unwind, you still love them unconditionally and will punch anyone in the face who says they’re not adorable because seriously, look:

Murphy and Bonnie. Black Lab/Golden Retriever mixes.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THOSE FACES!?

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About ryantpoole

Ryan T Poole is a former broadcast public relations specialist and morning show producer. His time is spent updating this blog, watching and analyzing TV and movies, reading, listening to music, taking care of his pets, and refocusing his energy into more productive outlets. He likes cold coffee, hot tea, long conversations, and obscure references.

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