What I’ve Learned from My Depression (Part One)
This is the first entry of a seven part series.
In the middle of December 2012, my girlfriend of six months and I ended our relationship. Since then I’ve been putting myself back together. I know it sounds pathetic and almost childish, but that’s what I’ve been doing since the beginning of 2013.
It started with almost daily violent mood swings and then spun into complete apathy and lethargy. I think I was reacting this way not because I failed at another relationship or I manipulated someone I truly cared about to try and get my way, but this relationship actually meant something to me. This was the first time in my decade of dating that I was infatuated with someone who was also infatuated with me, and that never happens.
However, like most good things in my life it came to an abrupt halt. I knew it was going to happen and at one point I could feel everything beginning to decay. I suppose that the separation happening sooner than later was good, but there’s was so much more I wanted to do before it ended.
We knew it was time to end it. We knew we had to break up because our small disputes were becoming major disagreements that would’ve landed one of us on the evening news.
Did I want it to end? No, of course not. I wanted to work on it, but I wasn’t the person I wanted to be for her then. Truthfully, I’m still not that person that I want to be, but at least now I’m on a better path to becoming that guy.
However, over the course of the past year or so, I’ve done a lot of soul searching (primarily through drive-thrus and red lights) and I realized some things about dealing with break-ups, the aftermath and depression.
Clean Breaks Are The Best Kind/Don’t Stalk Her Online
It may look like you’re doing it to be petty, but just do it. Fuck your friends’ opinion and disconnect her from your life. Unfriend her Facebook, unfollow her on Twitter and stop reblogging her on Tumblr. Get rid of your Instagram account, too. Do you want to know what photos she’s been liking or wanting her to see what you’ve been filtering since you two split? No, no you don’t. And if you do end doing none of that, you’ll end stalking her. Seriously, who does help? You? How, how does help you? All it does is make you look so feeble that you’re erasing your browser history in case someone goes through it, so that you’re not entirely embarrassed by it. Worse yet, if you do find something you don’t like, it’ll send you outside smoking a cigar and drinking half a bottle of crappy wine that you thought would be good because of the sweet wolf logo on it. Well, you were wrong and now you’re buzzed, you reek of cigar smoke and you hate yourself. Way to go, jackass.
For The Love of God, Do NOT Message Her Friends
No matter how badly you want to check in and see how she’s doing, do not message her best friends or roommates at 2:45 a.m. after a Saturday night of heavy drinking. And then don’t harass said friend/roommate by saying, “I know you read my messages, will you answer me?” because she will say, “you’re drunk, put your phone away and go to bed.” It’s embarrassing and you look pitiful. Plus, there’s no good way to rebound from that without looking like a disgraced puppy. I mean, puppies are pretty damn cute, but you’re not when you’re slurring your texts.