What I’ve Learned from My Depression (Part Two)
This is the second entry in an ongoing series. Part One.
Being A Hermit Doesn’t Do You Any Favors
Despite what Dragonball Z told us about being a hermit, you don’t get cool powers in an effort to defend the planet from evil alien forces. Instead, you just grow a really awkward beard, spend all day on Netflix, Hulu, and Facebook, and think about going back to school because you still have zero idea what you want to do with your life. I know it’s difficult, but you need to force yourself to interact with other people and make plans to do things. Even if it’s simple as getting coffee, you need to get up, get dressed, and get out of the house for a while. It’ll do you good, I promise. At the very least go to Target and buy something for the cats who’ve been cuddling with you every night in an attempt to ease your pain.
Social Anxieties Will Be A New Experience For You
Here’s what happened to me: about a month after the dust had settled, I got invited to a cabaret performance by our morning show intern. She was a nice girl, great worker and overall good person, so why not see her perform? The other producer agreed to meet me there, but I got there too early meet him and too late to say hi to our intern. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, but considering the psychological trauma I had experienced, I wasn’t comfortable being left alone. I was in an unfamiliar place by myself and I panicked; every possible disaster crossed my mind and I couldn’t focus on a goddamn thing besides the idea of running away and hiding in my truck. If I had taken a few moments for some deep breathing, I would’ve been fine. Eventually this feeling faded in a few minutes, but when it happened, I was frightened.
“Why Are You So Sensitive?”
I couldn’t tell you how many times I got teary-eyed over a scene in a movie I had seen multiple times and felt nothing for it previously. I also couldn’t tell you how often I got pissed off for seemingly no good reason. For example, my cat would do something normal like rub against me to get me to pet her and I end up shoving her away because she irritated me with her affection. My emotions became raw, powerful and unpredictable at times. My normal quiet reserve had spiraled into irrational anger and bitterness toward undeserving people. No one needed that side of me, especially when those people were trying to help me.