I promised myself that I was going to start writing and posting more. Instead I’ve been avoiding it because when I come home from work, I’m exhausted and I don’t wanna do anything besides eat snacks and watch cartoons. It’s really annoying.
Annoying to the point where I don’t even know if I should be writing. I’ve been working on the same idea and premise for almost five years now with little to no advancement. I’ve had the idea and story for ages, working on how to connect it all, and finalizing it, but nothing. Nothing has been added to it. It gets to my depression sometimes in the most spectatcular ways.
But then I see movies like La La Land, which plays to that optimist in me. The story is in the vein of being meta while staying grounded. The performances are amazing, the music is enthralling, and the ending is the best I’ve seen since Birdman. I won’t spoil it, but it doesn’t end with a traditional happy ending; just a sense of closure. It’s in these moments that I remember the promise I made for myself in 2017.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself because I’m not where I want to be, I’m actually going to work toward my goal. I’m going to be selfish this year and make 2017 the year of Ryan.
That, and when a mysterious mole on your back gets scrapped off your body and the biopsy shows that it was a very, very early stage of melonina, you realize how fucking terrifying a life unfulfilled is.
Seriously, I don’t go outside without a shirt on so to hear that i might have skin cancer is just a slap in the face. It’s like, “Hey, remember all of your other health problems? Well, fuck you, here’s skin cancer.” I’m not making light of people with skin cancer or who’ve had skin cancer, but I’m glad this was caught early.
Anyway, I’m going to work on some things and be back soon. Enjoy your day.